My Life, My Carelessness, My Hero...My Dad

Pao Kia Yang
Graduate
Osborn University High School

When I was about three years old, my mother left us. I can still remember the scene of that day. I stared at my mom crying and pulling her purse away from the grip of my dad’s hands, and my brother running towards the hall, calling the police. I can still hear my little sister screaming in fear. I stood there confused of why these white men in uniforms took my dad away. Why, he didn’t do anything wrong, did he? All he wanted was to look at what was in my mom’s purse. Am I right? Until this day, I still don’t know the reason why my parents got a divorced. I haven’t seen my biological mom in over 10 years. The image of her face was no more than just the pictures that my aunt had shown me.

It was hard for my dad to take care of three daughters and to get the attention of one son. All of us were no more than a year apart from each other. He had to wake up early in the morning, get my older brother and sister to school, send my little sister and I to my grandma’s house, go to work, and deal with the court cases from my mom on getting custody of us. Sometimes he’ll come home early to get ready to go to court. But most of the times, I’ll find him asleep on the kitchen floor after a tiring day of work. The only time that he’ll be seen by us is when my mom comes to pick us up on the weekends. Every time we came back home on Sunday night, he’ll have a bottle of liquor in his hands, in tears of sorrow. My dad was never able to make time to interact with us. I was young at that time. I thought my dad cried only because he was drunk, but now I know. It took me eighteen years to realize that, and forever will I not forget my dad’s struggle to keep us.

I can’t really say my mom didn’t do her job. I’ll give her credits for trying, but she didn’t try hard enough. She was always causing problems when it comes to us. She did not only cheated on my dad, but she wanted only to have custody of us so she wouldn’t have to pay for child support. When we were over her house, she always dropped us off at her friend’s house. Each weekend, we will have to spend it with random individuals. The only time when I get to see her is when she brings along her boyfriend. I was always angry at her because I didn’t understand why she would need a guy in her life when she has us. Every night it was hard for me to sleep because my dad wasn’t there. My dad always let my little sister and I sleep with him. We needed him when we’re hungry or a reminder to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. But because my mom liked sleeping alone, she would laid out some blankets in her living floor for us. Her words of saying that she wished she aborted us echoes in my ears every time someone mentions her.

When I turned five years old, my dad finally won custody of us. Ever since then I never saw my mom’s face. It didn’t really occur to me that she probably did care of us ever meeting. My dad was always there for me whenever I needed him, so there was no need for a mother figure. My dad was my mom, and I kept it that way. Then, later on the next year, my dad got remarried. I was confused at first of why I would need another mom, but now that I think about it, he deserves it. He needed someone in his life; someone to stop his hand when he reaches for bottle of liquor. My dad stopped drinking on daily basis ever since my step mom came into his life, and I thank her very much for that. My dad was my mom, but now that my step mother came along, she took that place.

It was hard for me to adjust myself with my step mom and my two step sisters. Yes, my dad deserved my step mom, but I didn’t think ‘I’ needed her. Seeing my dad with my step mom reminded me of how my mom had her boyfriend come over to steal mother-and-daughter time. Having to live with step sisters were like a competition. The fact that my step mom and my step sisters moved in, his attention on me and my other siblings went down slope the longer they stayed. I didn’t’ feel there was a reason for me to get my dad’s attention, because every time I did, he would be with them. I grew up carelessly of what happens to him, and I think my older brother felt that way too. That’s why I think he’s closer to my biological mom.

I had given up on myself and my capabilities because the person that I trusted seemed to not care. It’s funny now to think of all the things I didn’t do. I rejected my dad from my life. I wanted to go live with my mom, but at the same time, I had a feeling she wouldn’t care as well. I didn’t feel the need to take the time to talk to my dad about why he mentally pushes his own kids out of his life. Whatever he wanted me to do, I didn’t. Whatever he didn’t want me to do, I did. I wanted to grow up so fast and get out of his house. I couldn’t stand his voice, because all I bothered to hear was the tone of his voice, not his words.

My dad’s struggles never occurred to me until recently when he lost his job. He had the time to sit on the couch and talk to me. That day that I spent, just sitting on the front porch with him, was a day I’ll never forget. It was the closest I ever got to him. To imagine that I can never have a decent conversation with my dad, was from that day until now, wrong. First, I just thought he only opened himself up to me because he lost his job and wanted my help, but then after that talk, I regretted every rebellious thing I did. I regret yelling back at him when he was only trying to talk to me. I regretted walking away when he only wanted someone to watch TV with him and help translate the words. I regretted not taking his advice. Now that I’m picking back up the pieces with him, I realize his reason of getting custody of us was because he truly loved us. It’s hard to make my older brother realize that because of how far my dad’s actions pushed him away. But all I know is that I finally got to understand what my dad wanted. He wanted his children to understand that no matter how cruel, how dumb, and how rude we were to him, he’ll always have a place for us in his heart. He learned how to forgive us for our wrong doings, and because of that I learned how to forgive him. He told me he didn’t realize how his actions towards my step sisters and step mom would come off to us as isolation. I can’t speak on my siblings’ perspective, but I can on mines. My dad has done so much for me, for then I shall never forget his love. When my mom didn’t want us, he was always more than happy to take us in with open arms. My dad is my life and I love him very much…always have and always will.
I believe every one of us should take the time to talk to our parents. Understanding is the key to living life to the fullest and to have a reason to do better. I took the time to, so you can too. I know I may come off as a hypocrite, because it seemed as if I didn’t give time for my mom to tell her story, but that is something that’ll probably happen later on in life. I want to be able to understand my mom so I wouldn’t be living with this grudge I have on her.

Like my Program Director, Mr. Frank McGhee said, “Family comes first.” Just know that when the rest of your friends walk out on you, not only will your family walk in, but forever take you in as well, because you have always left your footprints in their hearts…you just need to look back and see that your trail from home is not too far.